Family Conferences

UFI President Soelberg: Home-Makers have the Ultimate Career

May 11, 2007

Ed. Note: Carol Soelberg, president of United Families International, participated in a panel discussion today on the topic, "The mother in the home and the new home economics." The following is a transcript of her remarks.

WARSAW, POLAND -- My name is Carol Soelberg and I am president of United Families International. What an honor it is to be among you wonderful people who recognize and value family life.

I want you to know that I am absolutely convinced that there is no more important work done anywhere in this world than the work that is done with in the walls of our individual homes. I am the mother of 13 children and, as such, I understand the vital role mothers play in a healthy society. The great author C. S. Lewis, said, “The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only—and that is to support this ultimate career.” My hat goes off to all valiant, hard-working, dedicated makers of homes!

Home life is not easy and there are no perfect homes. As author and educator Neal Maxwell said, “The home gives us our greatest chance to align our public and private behavior, to reduce the hypocrisy in our lives—
home life is high adventure! Life in a family means we are known as we are, that our frailties are exposed and, hopefully, we then correct them.” The very nature of home life with its constancy, and yes, even from time to time dysfunctional realities, creates the very environment for growth and progression.

We must not let the difficulties of home life obscure the realities of its value. For it is in this setting that the stability of society is manufactured. Theodore Roosevelt said, “No nation can exist at all, unless the average woman is the home-keeper, the good wife, and unless she is the mother of a sufficient number of healthy children to keep the nation going forward. The indispensable work for the community was not that of careers, industry or research; it was the work of the wife and the mother. The woman's work in the home was more important that any man's endeavors. She does play a greater part.” It is in the home that the very strength of each nation is created.

I share the perspective of Gary Becker, who received the Nobel Peace Prize for economics. He said, “The
mother at home raising her children makes a greater contribution to the economy than the father in the work place.” Yes, mothers are the key to creating financial and cultural prosperity. How can women in the home with a seemingly limited range of influence affect the financial and cultural prosperity of a nation? Let me share some of the attitudes and insights that have enabled mothers for generations to have far-reaching effects for good on all humanity. The women of today who hold fast to these principles will find themselves joining the ranks of mothers past in manufacturing societal stability and prosperity.

First, women must recognize and value their position. I feel concerned and a little hurt when I hear women say in apologetic tones, “Oh I'm just a mom.” As if there is something second class about that title. I want moms everywhere to be assured that there is no more important work done anywhere than what is done right in your homes. For you are creating the next generation of responsible citizens and never before has there been a greater need for just that!

I love this quote by Oprah Winfrey. She said, “We should no longer allow a mother to be defined as ‘just a mom.' It is on her back that great nations are built. To play down mothering as small—is to crack the very foundation on which greatness stands. The world can only value mothering to the extent that women everywhere stand and declare that it must be so.”

“As we affirm other mothers and as we teach our sons, husbands and friends to hold them in the highest regard, we honor both the mothers whose shoulders we have stood on…and the daughters who will one day, stand tall on ours.”

This past year, I have had cause to reflect many times on the joys and responsibilities of parenthood. Through the extensive efforts and good lives of our children, my husband Glade and I had the honor of being selected the United States National Parents of the Year.

Unbeknown to us, our children prepared a book for this event that recounted their accomplishments and aspirations. As I read through this book, I was absolutely amazed that the years of teaching and encouraging, the sleepless nights, and everyday ordinary things that parents do could produce something as impressive as what was portrayed in their lives . Truly the parenting process is the most awesome responsibility given to men and women. This truth must be shouted from every roof top and proclaimed from every informed voice until the entire world, especially women, recognize the value of mothers!

Fundamentally, it is a mother's privilege to empower her children and families with virtue and character. Character as defined by Webster is “distinguished or good qualities; those which are esteemed and respected.” It includes the inward motivation to do what is perceived right, whatever the cost. Numerous studies document the reality that mothers have the earliest and most profound influence on the development of a child's character. The virtues of integrity, love of liberty, honesty, compassion, confidence all are facilitated in the early and constant care of a mother's love. It is upon these virtues that strong civilizations exist.

Women of influence recognize that the development of character is enhanced as they live and value a provident lifestyle. Provident is defined in Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary as “timely care -- active foresight accompanied with the procurement of what is necessary for future use.” A provident approach to life requires that our everyday actions reflect looking forward to future needs and conditions. It is a lifestyle that foresees wants and makes provision to supply them. Provident people don't live for the moment—or for the day to day gratifications that breed selfishness and enslavement. They choose to seek a provident lifestyle because it develops characteristics of unselfishness, industry, thrift, gratitude, humility, honesty, and self-reliance. Many areas of the world live this lifestyle because it is necessary for physical survival. Before the days of the industrial revolution, most families survived in this fashion. It was this very focus on life that created strong families and built noble character. One of the challenges of our day is to value this principle and be content with living a provident lifestyle -- even amid industrialized prosperity.

Families, who build homes on principles of providence, learn to recognize and value their resources, create a strong family work ethic, and make the building of character in their family members the focus of their efforts.

As women around the world approach the responsibilities of motherhood, their resources vary greatly. Yet, each of us has been given what we need to develop unique and distinct abilities that contribute to our success. I believe the axiom, “There are two things that must be done to produce wealth. One is to earn and other is to save. In a marriage if the man earns and the women saves they will grow rich together.” A woman in the home is a great resource for contributing to wealth . Another important resource is the femininity of the mother as the nurturer, the heart of the home, providing the emotional security that allows the habits of the heart—the virtues of society to be perpetuated. Other key resources are our children, our education, our land, our family heritage and identity.

There was a story told of a man who owned some very fertile land, yet he complained to another that he had nothing on which to live. “What about your crops?” he was asked. The impoverished man replied, “There was so little snow in the mountains, I thought there would be a drought so I did not plant.” Spring rains brought bounteous harvest for those industrious enough to plant. How often does our lack of awareness, faith or industry keep us from using the resources we have been given. It is a denial of the goodness within us to doubt our potential and our possibilities. We become women of influence when we recognize, value and use our resources.

Mothers and fathers together have the privilege of creating a work ethic in the home. This contribution is critical to the building of character in family members that converts to responsible adulthood.

Educator and religious leader David McKay said, “The privilege to work is a gift. The power to work is a blessing. The love of work is success.” It is the Judeo-Christian belief that when men and women were cast out of the Garden of Eden, the Earth was cursed for their sakes. Their Creator knew that work was absolutely necessary for their success as individuals and as families.

Associate professor Kathleen Bahr observed, “Ironically, it is the very things commonly disliked about family work that offer the greatest possibilities for nurturing close relationships and forging family ties.” The repetitive nature of family work that is sometimes considered mindless and menial gives great opportunity for focusing on socialization; for building loving relationships through the service of family work. This thought is expressed by McKay in these words: “Who can gauge the value of that special chat between daughter and dad as they weed or water the garden? … And how do we measure the family togetherness and cooperating that must accompany successful canning? Yes, we are laying up resources in store, but perhaps the greater good is contained in the lessons of life we learn.”

If we perform the ever present need of family work with a provident perspective, we build a family work ethic that also builds the love and character in family members that contributes to cherished relationships and responsible adulthood.

As families work together to magnify their resources, in homes, lands, libraries, and conservatories, mothers encourage excellence in family members by focusing on building character instead of accomplishment. Since character determines our actions, it is more beneficial to praise character rather than achievement. For instance, we encourage achievement when we say, “Your chores look great, thanks for cleaning up.” We encourage character with “Thank you for your orderliness and enthusiasm in doing your chores. I can tell you put your whole heart into it.” We are able to minimize competition, envy and discouragement among family members when we focus on character over accomplishment. Everyone has equal capacity to exercise good character!

Women, regardless of our personal circumstances, whether we work in the home or out of the home, whether we have large families or are a family of one, let us rejoice in our opportunity to build character in our homes knowing that in so doing we are indeed creating economic and cultural prosperity.

Photos by Laura Knaperek