Let’s talk about SEXT

Let’s talk about SEXT

Danny Quinney

I hate to brag, but I’m probably the stupidest person I know.  Want an example of my dumbery?  Take women for instance.  To me, women are like cellos.  I don’t know anything about them either.  How did I learn so much about opposite sex?  I can trace my knowledge to when my father and I had “the talk.”

We were driving for a family fishing trip, for some reason he and I were alone, which was unusual because I have six siblings.  We had recently driven out of the range of the radio, when he asked me, “So, what do you want to talk about?”  I replied, “Whatever you want.” He asked, “Do you want to talk about sex?”  Being a teenage boy the idea my dad even knew what that was kind of grossed me out.  I remember replying, “Father, as engrossing and intriguing as that subject may be, being as how I am a teenage boy and have a natural inclination, and curiosity toward said subject, I fear this is something I would rather not broach with you on this occasion.   However, given time to mentally prepare, you could pontificate with me at a later date.”  That’s how I remember answering.  The truth is closer to, (rolling down the window) “Dad, slow down.  I see more cows.  MOOOOOOO!!!!”

I have since regretted not having the talk.  He did say if I had any questions he would be happy to answer them.  I’m in my forties, and have four kids, might be a little awkward to go to him now.

Recently Planned Parenthood (PP) in Denver, Colorado has launched an “ICYC” (In Case You’re Curious) texting program.  Taking “Sexting” to a new level. Anytime your child has a question about sex, they can text PP and someone on the other end of the phone will text back an answer.  Yes, now parents can sleep soundly at night knowing their son or daughter can have a one-on-one chat session with a Planned Parenthood operative, completely unchecked, or supervised, on a phone, probably paid for by them.  According to an article by Rita Diller, “Planned Parenthood stands to do more one-on-one damage to adolescents through its sex message texting service than through any form of communication it has yet bridged.”

(Quick question: If you get sexted by someone you don’t like. Does that mean you just got molexted, or violexted?)

What could go possibly go wrong with this program?  To put things in perspective, imagine if I invited a 14 year old girl over to my house to have a private chat about sex.  Not only would I be super creepy, I would also be worried about having my teeth (justifiably) kicked in by the girl’s father.  I don’t want to confuse you with technical jargon, but this is icky.

As a parent, or a teen, you don’t know who is at the other end of the phone.  Conversations can evolve, and you can’t know a person motives.  As painful as it is, parents, you need to have an open dialog about sex with your teenagers.  It’s embarrassing, it’s uncomfortable – they may know more about sex then you do, but you have make sure it isn’t a taboo subject.  They are going to find out, wouldn’t you rather it be from you?

The New York Times, had a article describing this and similar programs.  It said of one such program, “Now, through the Illinois Caucus for Adolescent Health, Mr. Chavez texts and blogs, with a focus on gay teenagers, about such subjects as what to do if a condom breaks, which clinics are gay-friendly and where to find low-cost lubricants — “things people need to know on the fly,” he said.”

The only thing I know about flies is they spread disease – it’s probably a good idea to keep yours zipped up.

  • laura nilson
    Posted at 13:25h, 09 January


    You make me laugh and think. Of course you should talk to your own children. You should probably bring something to take notes on. Everything is so easy to see and learn in the movies and on t.v, you might want to take notes.
    Laura Nilson

  • Russell
    Posted at 20:01h, 09 January

    whoa Dan,

    My hat’s off to you and all the parents out there. The idea of a parent/child conference as a parent or child regarding “THE BIG NASTY” still makes me queezy… I think Papa Quinny was spot on by leaving room for dialogue if YOU had any questions.
    Seriously, I’m so glad that I discovered the importance of foreplay, lubrication, oral, mutual stimulation, copulation, contraception, pulling out, changing positions etc, etc through my own research and questioning &, of course, trial/error…w/o my Mom or Dad’s instruction. The idea of one of my parents giving me input on any of the above mentioned topics… it truely puts the “AK” in akward. :-O

    -Russell D.

  • Russell
    Posted at 20:13h, 09 January

    uh hum… A”w”kward.

  • Rosie
    Posted at 12:07h, 10 January

    I think you missed the point Russ….
    We want to ENCOURAGE kids to talk to their parents (and vice versa).

    There are books you can read (Sex for Dummies, probably) to get that “other” information after you’re married (read it together with your spouse, it might be fun 😉

    In talking to your children about sex, you’d want to promote abstinence….yes yes, I know that’s an absurd concept for most people out there, but there can be no variance from what has PROVEN to work best for stronger families and relationships. Parents need to be firm in their emphasis on abstinence if they wish to discourage their teenage son or daughter from engaging in sexual intercourse….I mean, do we REALLY need to go over all the negative effect of premarital sex??? STD’s, unwed mothers, fatherless children, delinquency, lowered education, poverty, dependency (teen childbearing costs U.S. taxpayers an estimated $7 billion per year in social services and lost tax revenue due to government dependency) abuse, neglect, regret, guilt, lowered self-respect, fear of commitment, divorce, broken homes….

    Despite what is shown on Dawson’s Creek, MTV, and other sex-saturated shows, teens value abstinence highly. Nearly all (93 percent, from a poll I read years ago) of teenagers believe that teens should be given a strong message from society to abstain from sex until at least after high school…so let’s give them that message and see what they do with it, ok!

    I realize this has very little to do with the above article, therefore to tie it all in….Would we have to worry about our teenagers calling PP for advice on sex if we were teaching them to abstain? If there is no use for a program, would it be able to justify it’s spending?

  • Rosie
    Posted at 12:12h, 10 January

    ps. LOVED the article, entertaining as usual Dan. Thank you!

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