Love & Sex Candy Hearts. Image shot 2009. Exact date unknown.Maddi Gillel

“If couples have sex, do you think this will strengthen the engagement, or will it maybe tend to tear it apart?  Findings show that two times as many rings are returned when the couples have had intercourse, and the more frequent the intercourse, the greater the chance of the ring going back.”  Dr. Robert Blood, “Marriage” – University of Michigan, 1962

Dr. Blood has a collection of 250 studies about this subject – and he came to some major conclusions:

1 Pre-marital intercourse is associated more clearly with broken relationships than with strengthened ones.

2- He found that divorce is more common among couples who have had pre-marital intercourse.

3- Adultery is also more common.

4- Marital unhappiness was also found to be higher among those couples who had not waited for intimate sex until marriage.

When a person equates something as important as sex with ‘the forbidden’ and the ‘exciting’, and all this is BEFORE marriage, things change dramatically after marriage. This same couple, now married, can seem less desirable to each other.  (That is usually the reason marriages end in the first year.)  The relationship is also not as relaxed, comfortable and happy.

Men and women view sex differently.  Girls and young women know everything about love and nothing about sex.  Boys and young men know everything about sex and nothing about love.  Girls give sex to get love, and boys give love to get sex.  It takes years in a marriage to finally understand both sex and love equally.  Pre-marital sex slows down the progress of this understanding.

There is a double standard in our culture for men and women. Men are pretty disrespectful of a woman with whom they have had their way.  Women are called everything from slut to whore.  Men, on the other hand, figuratively receive badges of manliness, potency, sexiness, and physical attraction.

Two people who are dating and involved sexually, do not have enough conversation!  You can’t talk while you’re kissing and beyond. Marriage requires a great deal of knowledge of each other’s likes, dislikes, values, goals, philosophies, plans, etc.  Sex is the easy part of a relationship, so, why not do the difficult part first, namely, get to know him/her and be sure you’re a good match for marriage.

“Living together can’t work when it breeds the mutual dependency of marriage without the mutual responsibility.”  (Louise Montague –“Straight Talk About the Living- Together Arrangement”)

“Probably the greatest single hazard of the [sex before marriage] is that it can actually spoil a good relationship between two people who should eventually marry.  Because it is entered into out of weakness rather than strength, doubt rather than conviction, drift rather than decision, it offers unnecessary obstacles. Knowing this, you shouldn’t casually toss aside those inherited institutions that have had a history of success.” (Montague)

Yes, you SHOULD wait !

  • United Families International
    Posted at 11:15h, 08 February

    Excellent article Maddi! How can we get this message out to the lovers of the world?…before they destroy their potential for a happy and successful marriage…

  • jessie elizabeth
    Posted at 12:30h, 08 February

    Concise article with research findings and facts to back up what our God has been telling us from the beginning. Thanks for sharing your scrutiny on a very all-important topic that all young women and responsible young men should read. I see many in today’s society gravitating to an easier road (See paragraph six.), with their seemingly apathetical attitudes. Thank goodness for the strong, faithful, reponsible young people in our world who set a shining example for the weaker. I teach at High School and see examples of both – future failure and future success.

  • Dorraine Thomas
    Posted at 13:34h, 09 February

    It was hard for me to wait, especially once I was engaged, but I am sooooo, so glad I did.

  • Amy
    Posted at 21:04h, 12 February

    Here is a link to a wonderful resource free to download online:

    Mollie Sorensen wrote “The Forgotten Virtue: Rethinking the Sexual Revolution” which is dedicated to every curious teenager who wants to hear more than “NO” and to every parent, teacher or youth leader who must answer the question, “WHY?” It shows why chastity creates more love not less.

    “This book is a combination of good common sense and powerful logic. Its persuasive reasoning appeals to one’s sense of truth. Most parents will appreciate it – no matter how libertarian – because it provides thoughtful ideas to discuss with their growing children.” Victor B. Cline, Ph.D, Clinical Psychologist

  • Irwin Daguru (@Irwindaguru)
    Posted at 18:40h, 17 March

    I’m all for waiting, but I would like to take issue with one part of this article. It says “Sex is the easy part of a relationship.” I’ve talked to several people who have waited for marriage and truth be told figuring out sex wasn’t so easy. This is of course another reason I say that there is no hurry to have sex. You may well find it disappointing at first.

    Read about it in my free e-book on pg. 91, or download it and read the entire thing:

    Good Luck!

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