The Future of Marriage

The Future of Marriage

loving coupleValentine’s Day… Love or lust? 

Mekelle Tenney
On February 14th we will celebrate Valentines, a day known traditionally as a time to express love for significant others. The day is marked by school children passing out Valentine cards with their favorite Disney princess or super hero sharing a cheesy expression of admiration.

Older individuals will celebrate the day with flowers, candies, cards (most likely without princesses and super heroes) and other gifts of admiration and love. This year Valentine’s Day is also marked as the day that the widely debated motion picture “Fifty Shade of Grey” will be released. Fifty Shades of Grey (based on a popular book by E.L. James) has been rated R for “Strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity, and for language”. In short the story is labeled as an “erotic romance” a.k.a. obscene and pornographic. Ironically these events are both taking place during national marriage week.

Currently we are engaged in a nationwide debate on the definition of marriage. Surrounding the debate are many pressing and difficult questions.

What is the purpose of marriage?
What makes a marriage different from other relationships?
Why does marriage matter?
What constitutes a marriage?
Is marriage necessary in society?

In his article, The Evolution of Marriage, Ryan T. Anderson addresses some of these questions. He states:
“At its most basic level, marriage is about attaching a man and a woman to each other as husband and wife to be father and mother to any children their sexual union produces……Marriage, rightly understood, brings together the two halves of humanity (male and female) in a monogamous relationship. Husband and wife pledge to each other to be faithful by vows of permanence and exclusivity. Marriage provides children with a relationship with the man and the woman who made them.”

Anderson’s belief of permanence and exclusivity are seen by many as outdated. I recently read an article by Andrew Koppelman, a law professor, expressing his views on what marriage is. In short he stated “marriage is merely a social and legal construction—the pure product of conventions.” Koppelmans definition of marriage allows the masses to turn marriage into any kind of union.

Koppelman takes his interpretation of marriage a step further and declares “that there are no principled reasons for would-be spouses to pledge or observe permanence, sexual exclusivity, or monogamy.” These beliefs, which create not a union but merely an easy and convenient way to walk away from morality, are based on selfish desires and have fueled the currently popular self-centered view on life.

Koppelman denies the existence of principles. The lack of principles in marriage allows us to entertain the idea that marriage is not about your spouse it’s about you. You are not obligated in any way to your spouse, thus you are free to do as you please. This is convenient, easy, and wrong.

Yet our society now embraces the self-centered life style where relationships are take, take, take. We have even idolized such relationships. 50 Shades of Grey made the top selling list in both the United States and the United Kingdom and has sold over 100 million copies. And that is a very extreme, dark, disturbing, and disgusting example of a self-centered relationship.

In the debate on marriage it is imperative that we recognize marriage as a union between a man and woman who have dedicated themselves solely and exclusively to one another. This means that both spouses have the same goal, to make their spouse happy. Unfortunately returning to this view on marriage will be difficult. Being self-less and exercising self-control are not things that come naturally. They require work, effort, sacrifice, and dedication. Everything that a marriage needs if it is going to last.

Ryan Anderson posed the question “Will we honor the most noble aspect of human nature — one that doesn’t come “naturally” but requires work and rules to make us flourish?” I believe that that will decide the future of marriage. Unfortunately this Valentines many Americans will choose to embrace the ideals of self-centered relationships portrayed in 50 Shades of Grey. The easiness and instant gratification associated with such relationships appeals to the natural lazy and selfish human. As Ryan Anderson pointed out, marriages create permanency for both husband and wife and any children that come as a result of that union. Families cannot co-exist with self-centeredness.

1 Comment
  • Mrs. Laura Merriott
    Posted at 11:31h, 12 February

    HOW SAD, as we will continue to see physical, emotional and spiritual devastation to individuals IF we accept Koppelman’s assertion that married couples are not obligated to their spouse, and they are “FREE” to do as they please,!

    PLEASE read the detailed summary letter which documents the individual
    and societal devastation since we adopted the liberal
    LIES of “free love” and “choice”, and abandoned the protective boundary that MOST major religions endorse–traditional marriage! Just think about the great reductions in
    societal ills if we implemented the conservative solution of directing
    youth to the responsible and moral message of abstinence, and encourage the committment of marriage with tax benefits! I gathered most information from the CDC, the U.S. Census Bureau and the Medical Institute for Sexual Health. Here is a summary letter:
    from sexual activity-and return to that “protective” boundary?

    SADLY, the acceptance of sex outside of marriage has harmed all races
    I have all of the detailed data- particularly the SAD statistics on how
    blacks are negatively affected because according to our own CDC-they
    engage in uncommitted non-marital sexual behaviors at much higher rates
    than their peers–THUS more devastating numbers in ALL of the areas
    mentioned in the letter:

    Blacks account for 12-13% of the U.S. population–yet they have higher
    numbers as a percentage of their race in all of the following social

    POVERTY-The Census Bureau reports that the #1 group trapped in poverty are single female -headed
    households–NO marriage–sadly, blacks have a 70% out–of-wedlock
    birth rate–so more will be trapped in poverty. Choosing to engage in sex
    before marriage is the contributing factor! Time Magazine recently had the
    statistic that we spend $500 billion over 10 years on poverty-related programs.

    STD’s –Blacks have higher numbers of ALL STD’s -not just
    in some areas they account for 50% of the new cases–but also for Herpes,
    Chlamydia, Gonorrhea..and others,.-we know that STD’s are directly
    to sexual choices-very few to rape/incest! One estimate noted that we
    spend $20 billion/yr on screening/treatment.

    CRIME–We know that black youth engage in higher rates of criminal
    behavior and on
    more black victims–we also know that 70% of the men in prison came
    homes with NO fathers–NO marriage–thus NO positive role model–people
    making sexual choices, but then abandon their responsibility! How does
    one begin to factor the costs of an unproductive life spent behind bars,
    with the estimated $40,000/year per inmate for upkeep in prison?

    ABORTION–We know that since 1973-Roe v. Wade that 55 million unborn
    have been KILLED in legal abortion–BUT 1/3rd of those-17 million–
    were black and Planned sets up more inner city abortion
    targeting blacks-Black Americans for Life calls it genocide-!
    The majority of these choices are made by people engaging in casual sex, and most of abortions are choices made by unmarried women.

    If any of you claim that abortion should remain legal–PLEASE go to and view the
    reality–how can any sane person support this atrocity?

    My research from the CDC states that black youth engage in sex at
    younger ages and with more partners than their white and Hispanic
    peers–so we
    will see more of ALL of these devastating numbers!

    I also want to include the devastation from emotional effects of
    pre-marital sex like
    increased rates of depression and suicide, loss of self-esteem and many
    other emotional negative effects that we spend millions on counseling!
    Two new books, “Unprotected” by Dr. Miriam Grossman and “Hooked” by
    Dr. McIlhaney discuss the hormonal influence with sexual choices, and how
    youth do not understand why they feel so depressed after being
    used/dumped after casual sex.

    I hope we can stop the promotion of progressive secular LIBERAL LIES,
    we have seen unbelievable individual and societal devastation by
    adopting/funding them, until we return to the conservative ideals of
    LIFE, traditional marriage and abstinence/chastity, we will continue to
    see the devastating consequences–may GOD bless us everyone!


    MRS. Laura Merriott

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