14 Oct Sanctity of the marriage bed
The sexual revolution has promoted the sexual relationship to be purely physical, and the more freedom to have more partners, the better. Why wait until marriage? In fact, it’s being preached that it’s impossible for young men and women to wait until marriage to have sex, and if they do wait, they are missing the opportunity to find out if they are sexually compatible before they tie the knot.
It’s crazy how the beauty of the sexual relationship between a man and a woman has been turned upside down. Throughout history, the purpose of that relationship has been to consummate the marriage, bring children into the world, and to keep the couple together to raise those children. Since the 1970’s, that sacred sexual marriage relationship has gone awry. Instead of one man and one woman committed to each other and their family, there is now a culture of sex which promotes multiple partners and self-satisfaction.
Within the bonds of marriage, It’s becoming more and more difficult to maintain an enjoyable sexual relationship. Pornography is rampant and is tearing couples apart. The allure of another partner when things get stale in a marriage can be tempting and affairs happen. Women who have experienced sexual abuse as children may have a difficult time enjoying intimacy. There are many factors at work to destroy the beauty of the marriage bed.
It really is backwards. Our culture says to have as much sex as you want with whoever you want and marriage isn’t even necessary. And when a couple does get married, the outside culture works to destroy the sexual relationship within marriage.
The marriage bed is a sacred space for a man and woman to come together, fully committed to each other, to experience pleasure and joy. It’s a beautiful thing to know that your partner is completely yours, and belongs to no one else. There is a deep heart connection that can come with this kind of relationship. Its purpose is to bond couples together as they raise their families. The intimate sexual relationship, shared with your one and only, can be the most fulfilling and beautiful aspect of your marriage. It can bring a couple together in many more ways than the intimacy itself.
Unfortunately, there are many couples who struggle with intimacy and are not feeling the joy of their sexual relationship. What can be done to bring beauty into that space? Here are a few ideas:
For women, flip on the sex switch. Women’s brains are focused on so many different things that it’s sometimes difficult to focus on the sexual experience, even in the moment. When the time comes to be intimate, let everything else go, turn your sex switch to “on”, and let yourself be fully present with your husband. There is nothing else you should be doing in that moment except enjoying your time together as a couple. It’s ok to let other things go and allow your mind and body to be one with your husband.
For men, learn what is enjoyable for your wife. Seek to please her as well as yourself. It’s a learning process that brings wonderful payoffs for your sexual experience and your marriage.
Communicate. How can you know what your spouse really enjoys if you never talk about it? Let each other know what you like and even what you don’t really like. Be respectful in your communication. Also, try some non-verbal communication. Look into each other’s eyes and send love to your spouse through your eyes while you are enjoying each other intimately.
If you have had difficult sexual experiences from the past such as abuse, find healing. You need it, and it will change your life. As you heal, you will be amazed that intimacy with your husband or wife really is a beautiful thing. You are worthy of having that beautiful, sacred relationship. Find a professional who can help you overcome this roadblock so your marital relationship can heal and you can create joy with your spouse.
Find some good, clean books about improving the intimate sexual relationship within marriage and read them together. My husband and I took a long road trip for our 18th anniversary several years ago. We brought along the book “And They Were Not Ashamed Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment” by Laura Brotherson (http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com) and I read it out loud. We were able to have an amazing discussion on that trip. It opened us up to new ideas and ways to improve our intimate relationship. (fyi, this book has a Christian base and is focused on the relationship God designed marriage to be) There are many books available which are clean and open about healing and creating intimacy to be the best part of your marriage. Read and discuss a book together. It will be an amazing experience.
Most of all, be respectful of each other in your intimate relationship.
In spite of our crazy, upside-down world where sex is all about multiple partners and self-satisfaction, there exists a sacred space between a man and his wife where the sexual relationship is joyful beyond measure, spouses are fully committed through the challenges, and marriages are thriving.