Reader Poll: Do you know someone whose divorce was unnecessary?

Reader Poll: Do you know someone whose divorce was unnecessary?

Here’s the question we asked our readers:

Do you know someone whose divorce was unnecessary?

Here’s how readers responded:


88 Percent               Yes

12 Percent               No

We asked this question because of a new policy initiative called “Second Chances:  A Proposal to Reduce Unnecessary Divorce.”   The press release for the new project from Institute for American Values states that “a majority of divorced couples actually report average happiness and low levels of conflict in the years prior to the divorce.”  New research shows that about 40 percent of U.S. couples who are already into the divorce process say that one or in 10 percent of the cases, both husband and wife were interested in the possibility of reconciliation.  Yet during the divorce process, family courts never even ask them that question.

“Second Chances” recommends that lawmakers implement policies that:

  • ·        Extend the waiting period for divorce
  • ·        Parents with minor children complete a pre-filing education course with a section on reconciliation
  • ·        Increase and improve education available to couples at risk of divorce.

For the sake of all children, we hope that legislators and family courts are listening.

  • Annette Lunt
    Posted at 23:08h, 03 November

    I think the question is a judgement call. I don’t think that I can say that someone else’s divorce wasn’t necessary because I might not know what the real reasons are. I wonder if the 88% of the people that responded that they know of someone whose divorce wasn’t necessary really know or are they basing it on appearance. A marriage can appear to be fine, but have serious problems that are not apparant to others and not shared with others.

  • aeriolalderking
    Posted at 10:51h, 04 November

    The majority of marriages even in the most disastrous of situations can be reconciled when both parties are amenable. I have seen this occur. I am not speaking theoretically. The legal process is adversarial and inflames issues while benefitting from both parties. The losers are the children. Their inheritance is pocketed by the lawyers, paralegals, and psychologists that make their living by fueling animosity.

  • Meagan
    Posted at 16:25h, 04 November

    Yeah I was going to say something similar to Annette–it can be a big judgement call. This was a tough question, I’ve known people who have said that life didn’t get a lot happier after the divorce, so I guess that might hint at an unneccessary divorce. Because if a divorce is right, it should bring relief to the victim, they should feel free and happy (in theory). Still I am surprised that the 88% agreeing can say that for sure they know intricately of a case where both people were regretting the divorce afterwards, and no one was truly at fault in the first place. I was under the impression that most people kept their struggles private and that we can never really know everything that went on.

  • Cura
    Posted at 19:48h, 05 November

    I don’t think anyone living outside the marriage can possibly determine whether a divorce is unnecessary. I had a friend whose marriage ended in divorce. Very few people knew what had actually gone on because my friend never put any of it on display for the world. Onlookers, such as the 88% who responded here, would likely have judged her divorce unnecessary simply out of ignorance to what happened behind closed doors.

  • Patrick Abernathy
    Posted at 07:51h, 09 November

    My daughter, now age 35, was married in 1998 to a nice looking young man from a religious family. She was 20 and he was 22 years old. Beginning in the early days of the marriage he began to abuse her both physically, emotionally and sexually. She is now in the final days of a divorce that should have taken place in year 2000. She tried to reform him always trying to find the best in him. By the time she finally called 911 to have him arrested great psychological damage befallen her young children. Her husband was tried and convicted in January 211 for domestic violence in the presence of minor children and later the same year for violation of a protective order. He has been both fined and jailed in 2011. This is a case where divorce was necessary and should have taken place well over a decade ago. Patrick, Saint George, Utah

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