Romance vs. Commitment – or both?

Romance vs. Commitment – or both?

By Grace Sailor

“Choose Your Love, Love Your Choice” a simple but profound statement regarding marriage.  It also brings to mind a guest speaker in my diversity social work class while I was earning a master’s degree. The guest speaker was born and raised in India but came to the United States to earn his undergraduate and graduate college degrees. While he was in the states he said that he adapted quickly to the western culture of “romance.”

He loved the idea of being able to fall in love and not to be betrothed to your spouse from infancy, which was customary in the village he grew up in. He related his personal story of how he decided to go against his parent’s wishes to marry the girl that they had selected for him. Instead he fell in love with a classmate in college and decided to marry, only to be disappointed to find himself divorced several years later when his wife fell out of love with him. A couple of years after the divorce he returned to India and married the girl that he had been betrothed to.

The speaker related his concern of how in Western society that the emphasis on marriage was placed on love and romance and not commitment. He noted that in his culture, marriage was about commitment, and love came as a byproduct of the commitment. He said that the couple was dedicated to making a successful life together and raising children that were an asset in the community. The speaker’s comments were to help the students understand the benefits in both customs, that love and romance are important but so is commitment, and that when love and romance have waned that the commitment is still there to rekindle and maintain the relationship.

Take a look at these brief testimonial videos from the Marriage Commission and Awakening America Alliance – their message deserves much broader exposure.   In contemporary western culture, we see way too much “love and romance” and not nearly enough “commitment.”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxgiWSRgwAU&w=480&h=390]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jxx9pgbzd9c&w=480&h=390]

3 Comments
  • Harvey Rosieur
    Posted at 18:15h, 26 April Reply

    Absolutely, there should be love and commitment from the beginning. Arranged marriage might work out. Love might come, but it is a poor start to a life-long contract. Talk of people just ‘falling out of love’ and divorcing is poor excuse for breaking promises.

  • aaaaaaaaaa
    Posted at 11:34h, 04 May Reply

    No mention of the effects of “No-Fault” Divorce? Way to ignore the elephant in the room, there.

  • United Families International
    Posted at 13:14h, 04 May Reply

    Those of us at United Families International are highly aware of the negative impact that “no-fault” divorce has had on families and we’ve written on it often. In fact, UFI is involved in policy work to try to reverse no-fault divorce statutes. Unfortunately, you can’t pile every topic into one short blog post.

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