Instinctive Mothering

Instinctive Mothering

Mother's loveKassie Anderson

I was talking with my good friend Eden, who had been talking with her 90 year old aunt, about how women are losing their instinct to mother. I am 100% on board with this. My theory is that there are so many books and so called experts out there telling us that we have to do x, y and z this or that way and if we don’t look what could happen to our kids, you must read so many books before you have your baby and you must take parenting classes, breastfeeding classes etc etc.

Whatever happened to just winging it. To seeing how it goes? To just living life without over analyzing every minute detail.

Our bodies know how to conceive a baby, grow a baby and provide food for a baby. Why would we think that all of a sudden we are going to fail that baby because we aren’t wrapping it right or putting it on the right sleep schedule or taking it to every scheduled Dr’s appointment….eek!!

If I could give any advice to a new mother it would be to listen to her heart! Do what works for your family. Don’t drive yourself crazy worrying about everything that you don’t know about, just be. When people are stressed about what gadgets they need for the new baby I say “all you need are diapers and some blankets to wrap the baby in. If you have nothing else for a week or so you WILL survive….I promise!” I watched an extremely depressing documentary about young girls who were abducted in Uganda and made soldiers. They were married off to their commanders and had babies in the bush. They fought pregnant and with babies on their backs. Obviously this is a VERY extreme example but my guess is that they didn’t attend a single breastfeeding or birthing class or read a single book on sleep training. They went with their instincts, birthed their babies and raised them until they could go free and live a normal life.

I’m not advocating not educating yourself about all things parenting/birthing because I’m such an advocate of learning all you can, but rather I’m just pleading with you to go easy on yourself. Don’t over analyze parenthood. Love your kid, teach them kindness, love, respect, nourish them and ENJOY these years! Peace.

Feel free to leave a comment about how much I’ve offended you ๐Ÿ™‚ Err wait….on second thought please don’t ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Victoria
    Posted at 12:26h, 28 October

    I agree 100% with this whole article:-)

  • beetlebabee
    Posted at 12:57h, 28 October

    I suspect that the effort to negate God given instinct and instead enthrone science and experts is part of the same movement that wants to change so many other social areas. If you set the bar in such a way that it appears too difficult to raise children responsibly, who will try? It is one more angle those who would like to destroy the family are using to beat families over the head with. Beware false standards, if they are put in place and not challenged, society begins judging you according to those standards rather than healthy standards and your ability to raise your children the way you see fit is taken from you.

  • Diane
    Posted at 20:39h, 28 October

    I completely agree. I always tell new moms that God gave them their children because she had what they needed.

  • Meagan
    Posted at 12:34h, 18 November

    I have to disagree with the whole “never get advice”, avoid experience, studies on children aren’t real and everything will work out perfectly thing. These ladies in Uganda likely were raised in families and saw breastfeeding, childraising, and birthing firsthand so they weren’t completely advice/expert-free. There is a fine line between instinct and impulse. I know women who pushed their baby too hard and fast or wanted their placenta ripped out of them but would have hemmhorraged to death had they done that, or almost did because they felt like it (an expert wouldn’t have advised it, and neither would experienced tribal mothers). Or have their baby before their baby was ready because they felt like it and they ended up in the NICU (an expert wouldn’t have advised it and neither would experienced tribal mothers). Women who thought they didn’t have enough milk and resorted to formula when they actually had oversupply or thought their wiggly baby was telling them he didn’t like milk anymore and quit when he was 6 months old (an expert wouldn’t have and neither would experienced tribal mothers). Or dads who thought the baby would be just fine lying on the table and then the baby rolled off and got seriously hurt. Or women who thought they needed to teach their newborn a lesson about respect by hitting her and being only a mom when the sun is up (an expert…well you get the picture). Yes oftentimes experts are wrong and well-meaning friends give bad advice, but that doesn’t mean we should boycott true principles. Yes you might learn eventually that it’s not good to yell and be mean and think that toddlers think just like adults–but what parent wants to find out about that stuff too late? Most of us want and need help. Use instinct to distinguish good from bad advice, not use in place of advice. How many times have I been blessed by a good tip, and now the new trend is to just make it up with no understanding of biology, brain, or child development? Sure some moms will do fine, but others will make serious mistakes.

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