You Can Never Get Enough of What You Don’t Need

You Can Never Get Enough of What You Don’t Need

marriage unhappyby Tashica Jacobsen

“You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need can’t satisfy you.” I first heard this statement in my family relations class as we discussed satisfying our children’s developmental needs. I knew that this idea applied to other aspects of our health like diet, but never before had I made the connection to our emotional needs. For example a child needs attention, but negative attention in the form of teasing, bullying or physical aggression will never satisfy those needs, even if an unlimited supply is offered to him.

This idea is also true for sexual intimacy. To satisfy the need for intimacy another person in a committed caring relationship is required. Pornography, on the other hand lacks this and so cannot satisfy our need. However it is readily available, and the porn industry continues to thrive, providing people with an extremely harmful counterfeit of intimacy.

Even if an endless supply of pornography is offered, the basic need for intimate contact will never be satisfied because it is not what our bodies’ actually need. Not only will it never satisfy, but it has the opposite effect. Leaving individuals feeling isolated, alone, and helpless. When individuals buy into this lie they waste countless hours and ruin lives chasing after something which is unable to fulfill the need they are trying to satisfy.

It will never be enough

Pornography will never be enough because it can’t meet the actual need that is being addressed. It is a false substitute for intimacy, and one with devastating consequences. Not only does it individualize sex, it is addictive and causes negative changes in attitudes and behaviors.

Sexual experiences have been described as a funnel. Individuals enter into it whether in a healthy or unhealthy relationship and a narrowing process takes place. Sex when presented in a healthy way, is two individuals coming together and sharing their all with another person, being sensitive to each other’s needs and uniting body, heart, and mind. When a married couple enter into the funnel during sexual intimacy they enter in together. Throughout their daily routine they deal with bills, laundry, work, children, and meals. All these things they share together, and sex allows them to bring all that and then participate in a uniting act where they can focus on each other’s, needs as well as their own.

Pornography gives an incorrect view of sex that can never be met in real life. It portrays sex on the individuals’ terms. Viewers start to think of sex as being solely based on their individual terms, and their partner as only there to satisfy their wants. Bad days, health concerns, hectic schedules, embarrassment or pain are not considered. When this happens the individual focuses only on themselves. They are alone, typically pornography is done in isolation, away from spouse and family; driving a further wedge between families.

When the brain is exposed to these unnatural images it starts to change in response to them. When a person is looking at porn the unhealthy levels stimulus flood the brain with high levels of a chemical called dopamine. The brain is not used to such high levels being released and so it adjusts to the levels by getting rid of receptors. Few receptors in the brain means more porn is needed to reach the same levels as before. This leads to addicts which causes the addicts to view material more often and view harder material.

When these chemicals are released the brain creates a pathway, which helps it remember how to get back to where it was before. These changes in the brain cause individuals to become impulsive when it comes to pornography. This combination of factors leads individuals in a downward spiral of addiction that has lasting effects on their lives.

Pornography alters the way that individuals think about sex and can even effect how their bodies respond to sexual stimulus. It changes the idea of what sex is supposed to be and what expectation people have when it comes to sexual encounters. Pornography makes it harder to have a lasting relationship, and addicts show that they are less attached to their partners and more critical of them. In fact many addicts prefer the pornography rather than actual sex with their partner, which causes confusion and heartache in a relationship.

Viewing these harmful images, also changes the way that people perceive sex should be. Women are viewed as sex objects, violence is intertwined with sex. Addicts think that extreme and unhealthy sexual acts are more common than they really are, and that they are socially acceptable. Which in turn fuels disrespect, prostitution, and rape.

Satisfying the Need

Our society is becoming so saturated with pornography that it’s hard to even go shopping without seeing it in store windows, on shoppers’ t-shirts, and on advertisements. This pornographic culture sometimes takes away people’s ability to even make the decision to avoid it on their own. Our need for intimacy can be handled in different ways. And by avoiding pornography we actually allow ourselves to respond to the things we actually need. By waiting for and taking the steps necessary to ensure a happy healthy marriage, individuals can find satisfaction in their sex life which promotes wellbeing in other aspects of their life.

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