The Contagion Called Pornography

The Contagion Called Pornography

Stop PornKristi Kane

Several years ago, my family was on vacation when my husband received a frantic call from his sister. She was crying so hard that my husband could not understand what she was trying to say. After several minutes, she was able to calm down long enough to tell my husband what she was trying to say: her husband had been arrested for trying to satisfy a pornographic perversion. The story even made the local news. All of us who knew him were in disbelief. The evidence against him was damning. Was this really the  brother-in-law I’d known for so many years? Needless to say, the world of our entire family was rocked. My brother-in-law, his wife and family, were humiliated and ashamed, and my husband’s sister went into depression. Anger and a feeling of betrayal were her constant companions. How had this all begun?

Before my brother-in-law was even a teenager, pornography was introduced to him by older cousins. We learned later that our brother-in-law had struggled and fought against an addiction to pornography for nearly 35 years. He felt ashamed and did not want to tell anyone, and to our knowledge, did not tell anyone about his constant battle with this addiction. However, it had left its mark. He immediately lost his job, and nearly lost his marriage. For several months his children were estranged from him. They could not understand what their father had done or why he had done it. They were faced with the same thoughts: who is this man who calls himself our father? How could he have done this to us? How could he have done this to our mother?

Road to Recovery

 The road to recovery from this addiction has not been easy. The first year was the hardest. The community in which my brother-in-law and sister-in-law lived was divided. Some were hateful to him, others showed pity. Counseling was sought and tools were given that helped to heal an ailing marriage and an overpowering addiction. Time has helped to heal the wounds of this particular situation, but to this day, this remains an unforgettable and shocking experience for our family.

Years ago I heard a morality tale about a young man at the top of a mountain. As he descended the mountain, he noticed a rattlesnake curled on a warm rock. The snake spoke to him and asked him to  carry him to the bottom of the mountain. The young man was hesitant, “But you’re a rattlesnake. You might bite me and I would die.” “I promise I will not bite you. Please just carry me down.” The young man conceded to the request and carried the snake down the mountain. As he put the snake down, it bit him on the hand. “Why did you do that?! Why did you bite me? You promised you wouldn’t!” The snake then replied, “You knew what I was when you picked me up.”

Why do people start viewing pornography? My first guess would be curiosity. Unfortunately many in society have developed an unbelievable tolerance to pornography because they believe it’s a natural thing to do. They may surmise that this is a man’s nature. They cannot help themselves. They want to view naked women. They need a “release.” To these surmisers, I would say, “rubbish.” People can and do exercise self-control every day in tempting situations. The trick is to not go anywhere near these situations, and if they arise, get out of there quickly.

A New Target

Currently, the world of pornography has a new target: women and teens. They want to make it more appealing to them and get them addicted to the practice of viewing and reading porn. To these women and children, I would say, don’t touch it! It is the filthiest of the filthy evil bile ever created by man. Anyone who has ever touched pornography in any way, has never walked away a better person because of it.   Often those who view it become addicted, and it begins its acidic decay into the brain, affecting work performance, marital relations, and meaningful relationships with people. It sullies everything which matters most: work, family, community.

To give you another sad example of the tragic outcome of pornography: several years ago, my niece married a man who was addicted to pornography. She did not know this at the time. After a short while it became apparent that he was. He would tell her he would not be intimate with her unless she spent more time at the gym. He told her her breasts were too small and encouraged  breast augmentation and other cosmetic surgery. He was never happy with anything she said or did. What was happening here? He was comparing her to the latest porn queen, and she was not measuring up. After several months, their marriage ended.

As I said before, do not touch pornography. Don’t think that viewing it one time for kicks or out of curiosity will be a harmless thing to do. Think of the snake. Don’t pick it up. Don’t touch it. It is a damning practice in every way, meant to destroy the beautiful spirits of men and women by debasing them into objects of lust. It only harms. It is the most fatal poison to a normal mind in the way it warps and twists what is beautiful, meaningful and miraculous: the human body and the act of intimacy between a married couple.

If you are addicted to pornography or are starting to dabble in pornography, get help. Don’t delay. The sooner you begin recovery, the sooner you can put your life back in order before you lose that which matters most.

  • Dissenting Opinion
    Posted at 14:23h, 04 February

    I’m sorry but I’m not going to buy your tail-wagging-the-dog perspective with you and your brother-in-law blaming pornography as the reason for his being “arrested for trying to satisfy a pornographic perversion”.

    The perversion came first, the pornography is a symptom of the perversion and getting arrested for trying to satisfy a perversion is the culmination of that perversion.

    If pornography is the cause of your brother-in-law’s particular perversion then the existence of children is the cause of pedophilia.

    It is not something outside of a person that absolves the person of responsibility and fault. Nor does that outside circumstance mitigate the blame for unacceptable behavior. Trying to act out a perversion is an act that your brother-in-law chose to commit, he was not compelled to do so beyond his will.

    The fact that he was arrested for making and acting on that choice argues that he was well beyond the bounds of acceptable behavior and social normality. It also argues that he choose his perversion knowing that it was wrong in every sense of the word yet still he put that wrongness ahead of everything else in his life. Including his family. This is inexcusable no matter what may have influenced him.

    If he did not know what he was doing was wrong that would be the only defense of his actions, but it would also mean he is insane on a level requiring institutionalization.

    I know there are arguments that pornography rots the brain etc. The simple truth is that any images transmitted to the brain by the eyes has an effect on that brain. That effect is called “learning”.

    Explaining the chemical and physiological effects of that learning process does not excuse the person in possession of that brain from the consequences of his actions in any infinitesimal way. The learning process isn’t always positive and the negative effects are not confined to pornography.

    Soldiers in combat are an example of the detrimental aspect of a learning experience. The images their eyes convey to their brains will in one way or another affect them the entire remainder of their lives. Happily very few of them will ever act on those images to the detriment of society after they leave the combat theater. The make a conscious choice to resist any anti-social urges brought on by their learning experience.

    Pornography did not lead your brother-in-law down any path he did not walk of his own free will. Pornography may have made it easier to gratify (and please don’t use the words “fulfill”or “satisfy”, nothing is being fulfilled or satisfied but merely gratified), his perversion but it was his perverse nature that led him to commit a sex crime.

    I’m not defending pornography, I do not advocate pornography, nor do I approve of pornography.

    I’m defending liberty, by which I mean that people have a right to do as they please but must also accept the consequences of their choices and actions. Reading your words it appears to me that your brother-in-law and the rest of your family are all too willing to shift at least some of the blame and accept that some sort of “victim-hood” has been perpetrated on the perpetrator. It is your brother-in-law that is the victimizer and had he not been caught he would still be victimizing. He is not repenting, he is recanting.

    Clearly the man you are holding up as an example of the evils of pornography made choices whose consequences demand accountability and he alone is accountable for those choices. The existence of a website, magazine, video or other vector does not in any way reduce that accountability any more than the existence of guns, knives or baseball bats mitigates murder or the existence of cars and alcohol mitigates drunk driving.

    I can understand your family being devastatingly shocked and hurt by the discovery of a very crafty and skilled deviant in your midst. Pornography nor any other consideration in any way excuses that deception and deviance.

    If your brother-in-law’s “brain was eaten away by porn” then it was himself who placed his brain in the maw of the monster. In your tale of the rattlesnake being carried down the mountain it is your brother-in-law who is the snake, and a snake of such practiced guile that he was able to successfully conceal his snake-hood. You don’t say exactly what he got arrested for but there was a victim and it wasn’t your brother-in-law. Your brother-in-law created a whole crowd of victims to gratify his own lusts.

    Other families than yours were victimized by your brother-in-law. He either directly contributed to that victimization or he facilitated it. While you may choose to campaign against pornography as the cause of his perversion I can assure you that many of us do not see it that way.

  • jessie elizabeth
    Posted at 16:15h, 04 February

    Great article – somebody had to say it and Kristi, you did an great job. Today’s news, in fact, is about a study done at Indiana Unversity (author Paul Wright, Assistant Professor of Communications). Study suggests that the more heterosexual men watch prnography, the more supportive they become of same-sex marriage (Washington Examiner). Addiction should increase as technology explodes. The study goes on to say that “If figures on internet usage are acorrect, it is likely that support same-sex marriage will be fairly strong worldwide – researchers last year revealed a staggering 30% of all online traffic is pornography” Yikes! “Rubbish” is right – an awful addiction! Read more:

  • jessie elizabeth
    Posted at 16:17h, 04 February

    The snake story was a great analogy!

  • M. Lenz
    Posted at 12:57h, 06 February

    Staggering to think that this vile perversion has infiltrated our homes and is destroying families at such a rate.
    Thank you for addressing this issue.
    Education will hopefully expose this addiction for what it is, help those affected to seek help, and save the remaining innocent.

  • Irwin DaGuru
    Posted at 19:43h, 07 February

    I appreciate your article but I don’t think it is enough to say “don’t pick it up.” A young teenager could never understand why it’s bad, when it fact it looks so good. It will probably take impotence and the inability to have normal sexual relations before a male comprehends that pornography does have negative consequences.

    Check out my free book on this subject. I attempt to explain how real sex is not visual but mental and tactile. When people finally figure this out then they will reject pornography for a more rewarding sexual experience with a real human being.

    You can check the book out and download it for free at the website link.

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