We’ve tried apps, hobbies, self-care, social clubs, pets—and probably more than a few pints of ice cream—to combat loneliness. But what if one of the best antidotes isn’t something new at all? What if it’s something society has been pulling apart?
Rather than simply learning to be happier alone, perhaps we need to pull up another chair and rediscover what it means to belong. This week’s article explores the connection between rising loneliness, growing individualism, and weakening family ties—and why strengthening the relationships around our tables may be something none of us can afford to overlook.
Shoring up families,
Wendy Wixom, President
United Families International
Is Family the Missing Piece in the Loneliness Crisis?
Cristina Cevallos
We have never been more connected and yet, never more alone. Perhaps most strikingly, a study of 437 independent samples of young adults found that loneliness among this group has steadily increased over the past four decades. This has led scholars to ask: maybe loneliness isn’t about the size of our social networks, but the depth of our connections. In fact, the landmark Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on human happiness, found that the strongest predictor of a happy and meaningful life isn’t wealth, success, or even physical health. It’s the quality of our relationships. So, while the increase of people feeling lonely can be explained by a variety of factors, a very important one is often overlooked: the declining role of strong and loving families in contemporary society.
The loss of the safety net
Throughout history, our ability to rely on one another has been crucial to survival. Intergenerational support is a massive boon for families who have access to it, and it has been the norm across numerous societies and historical eras. But it has become increasingly difficult to sustain. Family size and marriage rates have steadily declined for decades, while the percentage of people living alone has also increased. For instance, in 1960, single-person households accounted for only 13% of all U.S. households. However, by 2022, that number had more than doubled, reaching 29% of all households. The result: we are losing the safety net built through communities of family members and friends whom we can turn to for support and help.
But is this true everywhere? It seems that loneliness and social connection depend greatly on the society we live in. Our relationships and interactions with family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, the environment, public policies, all of them influence the quality of social connection. Interestingly, cross-cultural studies suggest that more individualistic societies may experience higher levels of loneliness than those where strong family ties are more prevalent.
A research involving more than 46,000 people across 237 territories found higher levels of loneliness in individualistic societies, while another study across 28 countries linked collectivism to lower levels of loneliness. For instance, people in individualistic cultures, such as the United States and France, reported higher rates of loneliness and social isolation than those in collectivistic cultures, such as Japan and Indonesia. These findings suggest that family and interdependent relationships may act as a protective factor against loneliness.
Can being too individualistic backfire?
Let us consider the case of the United States. In the U.S., independence is highly prized, and the culture has traditionally encouraged young adults to move out of their parents’ homes as soon as they reach their twenties. Most people aspire to have their own apartment when they can afford it. Teens are not necessarily taught to place much value on the opinions of our parents or other elders; instead, they are encouraged to free themselves from their influence and make their own choices. Even when families disapprove of their choices, they are often taught to see that disapproval as the family’s problem rather than their own.
Whether because of distance or even when living nearby, grandparents do not usually help raise their grandchildren or have much say in how they are raised. The same is true of aunts and uncles. If they try to offer advice or encourage something you do not agree with, they can quickly be seen as the bad guys. Along the same lines, if you are a stranger, it is often best not to touch a baby who is not part of your family or to correct someone else’s children. Moreover, as we have already stated, child rearing is increasingly being delegated to third parties, while the care of the elderly is increasingly being entrusted to the state, roles that in many countries are most often fulfilled by the family.
And there is a characteristic notion that helps explain this: the belief that every American should have an equal opportunity to achieve success and prosperity through hard work, determination, and initiative, and that happiness awaits those willing to pursue it. However, this pursuit is often solitary. Individualism has always been a defining feature of American life and is reflected in both the best and worst aspects of American society. It has encouraged individuals to take initiative and go in their own paths, fostering entrepreneurship and innovation, but, it may also be contributing to increasing isolation and the erosion of social cohesion.
It is worth mentioning that loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of premature death by 26% and 29%, respectively, and are associated with an increased risk of anxiety, depression, and dementia. Professionals have also reported negative emotional patterns that often emerge when people lack family support. These can include low self esteem and feelings of abandonment. As one person put it, “If my family left, why wouldn’t others? When someone pulls away, it feels like I’m being erased again.”
As family sizes continue to shrink, this also means that future generations may grow up with fewer aunts, uncles, and cousins, further weakening the extended family networks that have traditionally provided companionship and support. At the same time, only children face growing pressures to cope with everything on their own. They may also miss out on some of the socialization and values that naturally develop through relationships with siblings.
Fewer marriages, more loneliness
Another point worth considering is that the marriage rate in the U.S. has dropped by almost 60% over the last five decades. Fewer people have a spouse to provide emotional support, offer companionship, and share in the pursuit of common goals and aspirations. Researchers confirm that both marriage and parenthood were associated with lower levels of loneliness. Significantly, they also found that simply cohabiting did not offer the same benefits. They have repeatedly assured that “the unmarried are substantially more likely to feel lonely,” while “married Americans have much lower rates of loneliness.”
What matters most?
This raises a more important question than how to reduce loneliness: What kind of life gives people a lasting sense of belonging? Marriage, children, parents, grandparents, siblings, extended family, and close friends provide relationships that cannot easily be replaced.
We cannot change every circumstance that contributes to loneliness, but we can strengthen the relationships closest to us. Get married. Stay married. Make time for family. Stay connected across generations. Build friendships with other families. Teach our children that relationships require commitment and sacrifice. The answer to loneliness may not be finding more people, but building deeper lives with the people who matter most.
If loneliness is partly a symptom of increasing disconnection and individualism, then rebuilding connection begins where people are known, needed, and loved: the family. Strengthening families will not eliminate loneliness, but it can restore something loneliness has taken away—the assurance that we do not have to face life alone.
Cristina is a Peruvian lawyer with a master’s degree in Human Rights. She combines political experience with her work as a writer and researcher, focusing on bioethics, family, religious freedom, and cultural heritage.